|Posted on March 3, 2015 at 7:15 PM|
All topics so far have been important; but this one is a biggie. So many times we start relationships of all kinds without taking the TIME to really get to know ourselves; our wants, needs, and goals before we enter into relationships. It's important. You can't get to really KNOW someone from texting, or from Instagram, Twitter, or any other Social Media outlet. A relationship must be built; much like a house. You don't start with the roof, you build from the ground up.
There are 3 things that Healthy Relationships are built from and I call it the Three T's.
1)Time - You have to spend the time to get to know someone.
2) Talking - Texting is typing, not the same as talking. Pick up the phone and have a real conversation; it will help you decide if you even enjoy talking to the person, or for that matter like their voice :). I once talked to a boy on the phone, that I thought I liked, only to discover he was quite boring on the phone, and I soon lost interest.
3) Together- In order to get to know a person, you have to be around each other. Communication is 93% non-verbal, and only 7% is verbal. It's hard to know what a person is like if you've only communicated via text, snapchat, instagram or any other social Media outlet. When you are around each other, you can see if they really mean what they say; by their body language.
Now that you have the recipe; here are the ingredients.
Mutual Respect - Respect by definition means to have a feeling of admiration for someone that is good, valuable and important. A person that respects you will respect your boundaries; and not try to push their agenda on to you, out of respect.
Trust - The more you know about a person, the more you can trust them. As I said earlier it is built. If you see your guy or girl talking to another; do you immediately become jealous? If so, it can be a natural reaction; but how you respond determines how much you trust the person.
Support - There's an old saying that says " I will be there with you; through thick and thin." In a healthy relationship when it gets thick, real friends or partners won't disappear; but be right there with you, supporting you through whatever you are going through. Anyone can be there when everything's going well; the true test comes when life gets tough.
Honesty - This one goes hand in hand with trust, because you simply can't trust someone who isn't honest. Maya Angelou has a quote that says "if someone shows you who they are, believe them." If you are not being shown honesty, believe them, and remove yourself from the relationship, because it is not a healthy one, and will usually lead to hurt feelings.
Separate identities - It is important to be able to remain yourself in any relationship. You should not have to sacrifice you, for the sake of a relationship. You should continue to have other friends, enjoy your family, and activiites you enjoy (be it sports, dancing, etc.).
Relationships that allow and make room for these key ingredients always last longer, than those that do not, and are deemed unhealthy. Abuse of any kind (verbal, physical, threats), and are not conducive to a healthy relationship. Being in a relationship should make you feel good or better about yourself, but remember we teach people how to treat us; so make sure you are treating yourself well, first.
Here's to great relationships!!!